This blog is a collection of a young woman's random thoughts, many tangents, and occasional
short stories and novel excerpts. Stay tuned for plenty of bull and brief moments of brilliance.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

concentrate, Concentrate, CONCENTRATE!

As a person who usually excels in school, slacking is not something with which I am familiar, nor is performing poorly on exams for which I was clearly unprepared. It would be one thing if I had studied my ass off and still did badly, but coming into a test with little work put in makes me nauseous.

Not doing actual studying since December is a contributing factor, but hardly an excuse. Classes starting at 9:30am and going through 5:30pm is annoying, but not a reason to slip. What's going on with me? I wonder...

Maybe I'm getting early senioritis (I got high school senioritis my junior year as well), wondering why the hell Latin and Earth Science even matter to me, wanting to focus on enjoying myself just for once, bladyblahblahblah, excusesexcusesexcuses.

I'm cracking down now, for real. Last year this time I had another wake-up call when I got an F on my Latin II midterm and a C on my Age of Dinosaurs midterm. I worked like crazy, got my Latin grade up to a C+ and straight A's in all my other classes and on the Dean's List for the second semester in a row.

What I mean to say is this: I can do it.

I didn't do well on my Latin III exam which is to be expected since I haven't reviewed much since Latin II, and Earth Science was a C with the curve. Did I study for either exam? Sure. Did I study well and long enough? Hell no.

Last year when I did "buckle down" and made a weekly assignment sheet divided by hour each day, I had little social life. Was it possible for me to balance both and just stay up past 11pm? Yes, but I didn't bother. This semester, however, I have things that are also important to me: personal relationships and close relationships (mainly my boyfriend and my best friend, Michelle).

I'm not saying my friends are more important than my grades, hell to the no, I'm way too much of a nerd for that to be the case. I tend to slack when things are going swell and I know from the past that stress drives me. I'm a pain in the ass when I'm constantly stressing/freaking out, I know, but that keeps me on task and actually caring about my performance in the classroom.

I have a lot to be grateful for though right now, and that was the bulk of my prayer last night when I lay in my bed watching the shadows from the streetlamp outside dance off my angled ceiling. My health which has been a problem in the past (i.e. freshman year with swine flu, mono, kidney infection, allergic reaction to kidney infection medication...) is solid right now minus a slight cold that's almost gone. My friends are loyal and understanding. My family keeps in touch. My mood is more optimistic than in previous years and I wear a genuine smile on my face.

Since I have so much to be grateful for, I think I'll use this to drive me forward instead of only relying on stress and the brink of an emotional break. This may be a slightly more healthy approach.

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