One month now of being single and I feel much different than I did four weeks ago, and somehow oddly similar. Wow, that was a boring and contradictory sentence.
I feel different about the situation each day with good, bad, and the ugly sprinkled in. Some days, I wake up wondering why I should be wearing a smile on my face; I walk through the daylight hours zoned with a blank stare. Other days, I'm pissed as fuck at the world, a bit "snippy and short" as my lovely roommate put it the other night.
And then there are days like today when I feel the rays of sunshine tickle my toes and I wonder why I ever regretted being single, not alone, but single. I sit in my room on Pinterest/Hulu/Facebook blasting Kate Nash's "My Best Friend Is You" on repeat and pretending I have an epic British accent when I sing along. Her CD takes me through a full range of emotions I find beyond therapeutic. I'm going to list here some of my favorite lyrics from this record. But first, about things being therapeutic:
I posted my first Performing Autobiography piece recently and I said I would post the other two, but now I'm thinking I won't. The next one I'm doing is about losing my virginity and the "sex cupcake" pact I made with three of my friends. A bit too revealing for the interweb, wouldn't you say?
The last one I will write and perform is about a specific moment while in my sorority I wanted to quit but stuck it out after an intense breakdown. It's a positive piece in the end, but it does mention what sorority I'm in and I want to avoid that on this blog. I am proud to be in my chapter, but some amount of respect is expected/required even more so now that I hold a leadership position.
Anyways, the lyrics (property of Kate Nash...let's hope that new internet piracy bill doesn't go through or I'm fucked):
"Don't You Want To Share The Guilt?"
Sometimes, when I'm at a really noisy train station
One of the ones with the big, fat trains like King's Cross
I feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out
Because I've got something to say
I fancy the hip rock 'n' roll scenester
I wanna be fucked and then rolled over
'Cause I'm an independent woman of the 21st century
No time for knits, I want sex and debauchery
And later on I'm crying my stupid eyes out
Later on I'm crying like a baby
And yeah, baby don't get so disappointed
I am not what you anticipated
And, my favorite song on the CD, "I Hate Seagulls"
I can't find the words to make it sound unique
But honestly you make me strong
I can't believe I've found someone this kind
I hope you carry on
'Cause you're so nice and I'm in love with you
When I hear that last song, it stings a bit, but then I remember it won't always hurt. It hurts less now, I have my friend back at the very least, and I still feel beautiful. I'm assuming that's all for which I can ask.