This blog is a collection of a young woman's random thoughts, many tangents, and occasional
short stories and novel excerpts. Stay tuned for plenty of bull and brief moments of brilliance.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Stories from a Server #1

I'm packing currently and suddenly realizing I'm really good at it. Granted, this is a useful skill at certain times in your life, but not exactly one that is marketable. I suck at unpacking and would happily live amongst boxes rather than unload anything. Anyways, all I have left are clothes and cleaning the room. I'm going to be living in the living room for four days so the new girl can move into my room. It will be dangerous to have me sleep so close to the TV.

I have a few (specifically three) server stories to share. I do not have names or any other definable characteristics that would legitimately give away identities, but feel free to think up a character in your own head. I've had difficult and rude people as well as overly kind and generous ones; it comes with the territory. And though we servers may complain about the rude ones, the crazy ones are the people who, believe it or not, make the job fun (the tips are pretty baller as well).

   The Asparagus Lady
This woman seemed a bit aggressive from the beginning, and she was one of my tables on my first night having three. I brought out her parmesan asparagus starter and she asked me if I'd ever tried it. I gave my little speech about, "No, I haven't had the pleasure of trying this dish yet in our restaurant." She turns to me, takes a piece, and tells me to put out my hand. Not realizing what was happening, I oblige. She then stares at me blankly, "Eat it." I smiled and practically ran to the kitchen. My manager saw me wandering around the kitchen, blindsided, carrying a piece of parm asparagus around in my hand. She yelled, "What are you doing?!" I yelled back, "She told me to eat it!" "Throw it away! Throw it away!" When I went by the table later, the customer looked at me blankly again and asked if I had eaten it and I said yes to save face. She said, "Good," and returned to eating her meal.

Licked Plates
There was a table (same table strangely enough as the Asparagus Lady) a week later who stayed for quite awhile. One had rather severe OCD and had to repeat everything she said three times, which took awhile but it was fine. After they had been there for an hour and a half (rather long for us), I came by to pick up the remaining plates and found them to be strangely clean, like ridiculously clean. Upon closer inspection, it looked as if they had been licked completely clean. The napkins were clean and the silverware was spotless. They both remained until they finished every morsel of butter, ate the bread crumbs off the table, and ate each and every ice cube from their water glasses. At the end of this bizarre exchange, I wondered what their tip would be. I've begun to know what to expect based on people's appearance what the amount will be (this sounds horrible, I know, but rarely have I been off by more than a few dollars in my guesses and it doesn't affect how I treat the table ever) and I wasn't expecting more than five dollars. Both ladies thanked me for my patience, and the older lady left me a $20 for the check, smiled, and said, "Keep the change!" I was left with 57 cents.  

"Eh Yo Gurl!"
I had a table come in one night that I could tell would be my last of the evening; I was next in line to be cut.  The parents were boozing it up and the ten year old kid from the get-go had a bad attitude. He was the only one of the three who could speak English (the other two, only Spanish) which was fine but I could tell I would have to deal with this kid exclusively. First thing I noticed was the kid had a hat that read, "I Love Bad Bitches” and winked at me when he noticed me gawking at the cap. After I dropped the drinks, the kid yelled after me, “Eh yo gurl! Why you no bring my mamma her straws for her drank!?” He continued to speak to me like a mini gangster for the remainder of the meal.

These are the three biggest "stories" I have at the moment of customers I have personally dealt with in my first two months. I'm loving my job so there will be many more to come. Though these people gave me a headache more times than not, at the end of my night it is all worth it and I try to keep a smile on my face. And I may or may not interact with one of my coworkers now by calling out, "Eh yo gurl!"

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